I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
