i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
