been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
