don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
