I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
