Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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