my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are we still banned from the library?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
