but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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