We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
