if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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