I am in a vortex of obligation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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