the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
