when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
