im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
