I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
