she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
