I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How's work?
Spinning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
