question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize