summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
