There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
