Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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