Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
