FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
