I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
