She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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