It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
