she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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