Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
