I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
