I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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