That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
