Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
