U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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