he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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