my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
