There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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