i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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