HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
