i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
