Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
