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nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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