have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
