Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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