we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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