Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
