Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
