So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
