why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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