why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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