I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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