currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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