I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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