I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
