we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
