I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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