The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
