in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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