Already got asked if we're dating
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
