You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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