I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
