Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
