Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
