he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
