I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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