Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
