Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i dont even know how to be here
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
