The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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