I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
