i think my mom watched the whole time
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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