I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
