Sponge bath it is.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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