Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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