How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
