i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
nutella sex= disaster
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
