no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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