Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did i walk over a car last night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
