I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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