We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
