Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
