I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
3 2 1 whiskey
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
