Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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