Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
