Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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