Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
